15 Minutes with Ramon Thomas

by Ramon Thomas in Interviews on 2323/020202/2011201120112011 • 2 Comments • , , , , , , 
This interview was compiled for a weekly feature in the Daily Dispatch newspaper in East London:

Online behaviour expert Ramon Thomas talks to the Dispatch about technology and how it affects you. Profiles will appear at www.dispatch.co.za

Q: YOU describe yourself as being an online behaviour expert. What does that entail?
A: My field of research is the overlap between psychology, human behaviour and technology, especially the Internet.
It includes how we use the technology and how it changes our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual states.
New research from a book, iBrain, shows greater use of different parts of the brain, improved multi-tasking and the ability to process more information, faster, in the new generation called digital natives – basically people born post 1990.

Q: You’ve done a lot of research into online dating. Can you share some of your findings with us?
A: Recent reports claim online dating is growing by more than 300 percent in South Africa. Female users are growing at twice the rate of male users from what I’ve seen since 2005. The demographics have also changed to be more representative of the South Africa population as more black users turn to the Internet to find love.

(more…)

Algoa Sun interview with Ramon Thomas

by Ramon Thomas in Interviews on 1111/080808/2008200820082008 • 3 Comments • , , , ,

The following interview was published on page 8 of the 31 July 2008 issue of the Algoa Sun, a community newspaper in Port Elizabeth. The title for the article was fascinating choice by the editor, The Ethics of IT Dating. I will add a scanned copy of the interview with their own intro to this post later today…

Question: You say that children below the age of 13 should not have cell-phones for health reasons do you not think that in todays world all kids should have access to an adult in case something does go wrong?

Yes, kids should have access to adults. However, the access that is required has always been there. Before cellphones parents had a relationship and understanding with the schools they go to as to when and how they are dropped off and collected after school, from sporting events or when traveling with the school. When visiting friends, arrangements were made with the parents of the friends to look after your children as if they were your own. This is a fear-based myth that cellphones is the only or safest way to make kids safe. The more you buy into a fear mindset, the more you create a dependency on technology or anything outside yourself. So in a very warped way technology has made people more insecure than ever before.

Question: Do you have kids? If so, are they allowed MXit and Facebook?

No I do not have any children because I am not married. I would only allow my own children access for for a limited time per day or on weekends. I recently bumped into a guy who was at school with me, and he has one son in high school and one in primary school. He treats them like this: they only get access for 1 hour on Saturdays between 5-6pm. This is radical, yes, but he succeeded as father by setting the ground rules from day 1.

Question: Do you believe parents should be more “internet and cell-phone aware”?

Parents need to understand that the technology is growing and improving at a vast rate. The best way they can maintain some sense of confidence about the technology is to cultivate an open discussion on a regular (weekly) basis with their children about technology. This is much easier than you may think, simply because technology is so high on the values of children. What I mean is you cannot stop them talking about it when you ask the right questions.

Question: Do you believe the internet is a good way to meet people and start dating?

I have used Internet dating successfully because I have been so persistent and made a tremendous effort to educate myself about the best ways to write my online dating profile. After hundreds articles, books and interviews, and comparisons with other forms of dating and the psychology of attraction, I do not believe its the best way to meet people. You will always have some uncertainly about that elusive obvious called “chemistry” with the opposite sex. So overall your chances are very slim to find a compatible match and sustain the relationship. I consider my last relationship, which lasted about 18 months; as well as best friend of mine, who married a woman he met on www.datingbuzz.com, the exceptions.
 (more…)

Link To Your World podcast interview

by Ramon Thomas in Downloads/Interviews/Podcasts on 1414/121212/2007200720072007 • No Comments • , , ,

Recently I was approached to do an interview about the rise of the individual with Link To Your World. Some of the points I discussed was how I moved from working in the corporate sector to starting my own business. And I also discussed the power of social networking and social influence to position you as an expert in your industry.

You can download or listen to the podcast interview with Mike Orshan here.

Taalgenoot interview on the impact of Technololgy on Human Relationships

by Ramon Thomas in Interviews on 2222/111111/2007200720072007 • 2 Comments • , , , , ,

online dating1. How does communication technology change the interaction of people (for example: from as young as 11 years children start to MXit and spend as much as 3 hours per day in their own virtual world.. But on Facebook long lost friends can keep in contact. Kindly give positive and negative comment)

Technology allows people to stay in touch with friends or family in remote places that could be very difficult or expensive otherwise. One of the first stories I discovered about MXit, was that of a grandmother in South Africa who was communicating with her grandsons in the UK. She was using MXit, and they were using MSN Messenger on a PC. Skype also allows people to make free voice calls over the Internet at no cost to anyone in the world using Skype.

The problem with technology as a communication medium is that increasingly people do not take responsibility for their actions. So for example people are cancelling appointments or meetings using SMS. Teenagers and adults are breaking up relationships and asking for a divorce using SMS. So technology allows people to avoid any negative reaction from other people. And the really bad part of this behaviour is that you never get to learn, through feedback, a valuable lesson in human relationships.

2. What can parents do to keep tabs on their children’s technology use (such as MXit and Facebook)

With MXit parents can install it on their own phones and add their children as a contacts. This way they can see when their children go online and when they go offline. Be warned that many children will refuse or delete their parents as a contact. When they delete your contact, after accepting you. You will see them as offline all the time, which defeats the purpose of monitoring them. If you have a good relationship with your children this will work.

With Facebook, simply register with Facebook, and search for their profiles. Again be warned you cannot see their profile unless they have accepted you as a Facebook friend. And most teenagers will not do this because it’s just not cool. If you have an open relationship ask them to show you how Facebook works, including a detailed explanation of their profiles.

3. What does communication technology do to the one to one and group communication skills of teens and young people. (eg. to introverts MXit is a way to express themselves but they lack the ability to build relationships etc.)

It can both increase their social contact and decrease their social skills. On MXit, the chat rooms are anonymous because people use nicknames. You may be able to say something in a chat room you could never say in person. So you never learn how to be assertive. And if you are already shy you may after a lot of time practising improve your ability to communicate. The challenge is that when you communicate online, either MXit, or Facebook, you cannot read body language or voice tone, and this reduces the amount of information you have available. So it’s a short term solution for a introverted child to use technology to communicate with people. They should, with help from their parents and teachers, learn how to communicate face to face. Debating clubs and public speaking classes is very good for this

4. Does technology changes the psyche? (Do people become more directed towards technology than their fellow-men?)

There is a growing amount of research that proves that multitasking is a myth. Also with technology many people are learning how to intelligently avoid real work in companies. When people in an office is surfing the Web (including Facebook) it can seem like they are working and yet they are not doing anything work related at all. It’s likely that South Africa is loosing hundreds of millions of Rand due to unproductive employees. And the responsibility lies with the companies to educate their employees on good online etiquette. More specifically I’m becoming very pessimistic about the impact of technology because so much of it is a form of escapism from reality: everything from playstations, to chat room, or online social networks. Nothing beats the real thing!

5. How do you personally use communication technology (Facebook) and how much time do you spend on it

I use or at least try out all new technology as it emerges. I am also a regular blogger and contribute to many online forums. The most important technology for me is email, cellphones and Skype. My primary focus is using technology to communicate with large numbers of people in a personalised way. What I mean is I can use a bulk email software to email 1,000 people using their first name like “Hi Karen” and this gets a much higher response rate. In terms of time I spend to much time using the Internet because its at the core of my business. I spend about 8-10 hours online 6 days a week. I also switch my cellphone off after 8pm and have been working toward ONE Technology FREE day per week, usually Saturdays.

6. Which communication technology is used the most by the different generations?

  • Preteens and teens – MXit and other instant messaging platforms
  • 20 and 30 year olds – Facebook and email, yes
  • 40 – 60 year olds – Cellphone and email, yes

Self-promotion interview with Damaria Senne

by Ramon Thomas in Interviews on 1818/070707/2007200720072007 • No Comments • , ,

You may be interested in this is an interview I did with journalist and blogger Damaria Senne about self promotion and building your own profile. A friend of mine once suggested that I offer this as a service to clients. So if you want to obliterate your competition and position yourself as an expert in your field or your industry, contact me directly on 074 124 1696.

First part of interview with Damaria Senne

by Ramon Thomas in Interviews on 2727/060606/2007200720072007 • 1 Comment • ,

Damaria Senne, a journalist @ ITWeb, recently asked me to do a lengthy and very detailed interview about online and mobile trends and the impact on children for her parenting blog. You can read part 1 of the interview here.

Ramon Thomas on 3Talk with Noeleen this Friday

by Ramon Thomas in Interviews on 0202/050505/2007200720072007 • 23 Comments • ,

oeleen Maholwana-Sangqu 3Talk SABC3Urban Brew, the producers of 3Talk with Noeleen called me this afternoon to invite me back onto the show for the 2nd time, this Friday, 4 May. 3Talk is a daily show that runs from 5h45pm-6h30pm every weekday on SABC3.

As you know Noeleen Maholwana-Sangqu is South Africa’s answer to Oprah, the Queen of the daily talk show. The show topic: “Where are South Africans meeting their partners.

I look forward to your comments after the show on Friday. And for those interesting in hiring me as a dating coach can go here.

NB! If you want 3Talk’s contact info, please call me for advice on how to get onto the show – 081 4399 555.

Ramon Thomas interviews Michelle Garforth

by Ramon Thomas in Celebrity/Interviews on 0707/121212/2005200520052005 • No Comments •

Michelle Garforth has successfully secured her name on both sides of the Atlantic as a highly respected international TV Anchor, Producer and Journalist. She has been described as being like a breath of fresh air on camera; articulate, knowledgeable and approachable. You may recognise her from the current tv show Wild Ltd on SABC2.

RT: What is your current relationship status? And why?

MG: I’m single, that is why we are talking and why, well that is a little more complicated I think, um why happily single. I would prefer to rather be single than to be in a relationship that is not a 125% true, honest, loving and healthy. So I go for the full nine yards so to speak, as opposed to settling for 2nd best.

RT: What are the characteristics and qualities you find attractive in a man? And Why?

MG: It varies, and I would say a lot of it has to do with the person’s soul and charisma because that is what shines forward. Yes, there will be a physical attraction but it is so much about what is inside that comes out and that which you see first and that is what you are attracted to first. If you talk about physical attributes that I look at – eyes, they are definitely the spiritual window of the soul, men’s hands are intriguing – their wrists, that sense of testosterone and manliness, what makes a man a man! That is definitely what I notice the eyes, the hands, and the light of the person.

RT: You are talking about the inside, how do you go about finding that out because you know you get the first impression, surely you can’t get a sense of his soul, spirituality and charisma just be looking at him.

MG: Agreed, and I think that is where you need to open up the book and read that chapter and spend some time talking, asking certain pertinent questions to find out people’s opinions and view points. And perhaps help them understand what their thinking is on a certain topic. So yes it is about spending time and communicating to get closer to their heart.

RT: There is no such thing as a 50/ 50 relationship, I think someone is always in control

MG: I think it is a hundred percent on either side, I also think that those percentages will change and shape and grow and sometimes there will be a dent on the one side and then it will spring back again. Because you can’t be expected to be the strong leader or equal partner all the time, that is what a relationship is, is having someone to lean on when you most need it. And then allowing them and being a pillar of strength for them to lean on you.

Michelle Garforth

RT: How do you as a woman get what you want in a relationship?

MG: I am not very manipulative and conniving, I tend to be very straight up and honest and clear from the point of view I come from. In terms of getting what I want, I tend to get what I want because I am able to state what I want.

RT: What things that men do could be a turn off?

MG: I don’t like deceit and lies, I don’t like ego, I don’t like veiled hidden agendas, I am not one who is turned on by manipulative business practice in order to get what they are wanting, that for me doesn’t work, I prefer honest clear human beings.

RT: Have you had that kind of experience where somebody has tried to seduce you, sort of ulterior motives?

MG: Very much so. And I think when ever you are in the public eye, then immediately you are put on a pedestal of some sort in somebodies eyes. Unfortunately that is not the reality of it, from Mick Jagger, to J Lo and right through to Michelle Garforth or Gareth Cliff, we are just human beings. We have lives, emotions, depressions, upsets, joy, happiness, frustrations, and it just so happens that we make our money in the public eye. We are not on a pedestal and I think very often what happens when you get into relationships when you are in the capacity of a celebrity (we have gotta find another word for celebrity), you fall off your pedestal.

RT: Do you believe in opposites attract and why?

MG: I do believe opposites attract, my best friend Kim from the age of 12, we are totally different human beings, I am a traveller and an adventurer, Kim is very much a home body, has found the most wonderful life in being a superb mother. We are pro departs in terms of personality yet we get on like a house on fire, there is a wonderful sanctuary that we have together in our friendship. And so yes I do think that opposites attract and they do balance each other out. {mosimage}

RT: Do you believe in love at first sight? And why?

MG: I do. Because I have experienced it. I met my husband, I was married, Mark died in a plane crash in 1998, but I met Mark – literally looked at him and knew you are the man I am going to marry. I just knew immediately and we were married within a 3 month time frame, and the best way I can describe it is laying eyes on another person and going wow, this is it. And I think it is very much a personal decision and commitment in that you make it work to go further.

RT: What is the worst pick-up line ever used on you by a man, and how did you respond?

MG: Do men still use pick-up lines? I mean I know that there is a flirtatiousness and a banter of one liners…

RT: Oay so what is the worst approach you have ever had?

MG: I don’t like teasing, I don’t like it when people tease each other, and I find that there is a lot of negative that happens in that teasing moment. And because it is coming from a man, he tends to be stronger physical and comes across as being a bit of a bully. And so I really don’t like teasing and I find a lot of men do that, they think it is attractive to put you down. It so does not work for me.

RT: What is the most embarrassing date you have been on?

MG: I think blind dates are embarrassing in that you know you are being set up by friends with somebody they perceive you to like, and I have got to tell you every single blind date that I have been on, does not work! Which is an interesting process then, because do your friends really know you?

RT: And what is the most exciting date you have ever been on?

MG: I would say, well the most exciting date was actually when I got married. Mark and I sky dived, he sky dived into the wedding. And the first date we officially went on, we went up to Leopard Rock near Sun City, and we went Sky Diving on a date.

RT: How do men react when you are along vs when you are in a group?

MG: Well when I am alone I tend to be more girly and when I am in a group as one is, I tend to be louder and more chatty, and how do they react to me in those two different persona’s… I say if they know the heart of you they are able to transition in and out of those different zones quite easily.

RT: How has the Feminist Revolution affected women in the 21st century?

MG: Oh my goodness, I think life for our generation of women is a challenge, lets say that. Because we are working, men are having to perceive us as workers – we have hours just as they do. We are earning the same now, we are also demanding of our work hours: saying honey I will be home at 6pm, are you making the dinner tonight? Why is it always the women’s duty? And I do believe that South Africa is in an interesting social climate because of apartheid, our men were never educated as they were overseas, with basic things such as Mens magazines, fashion, grooming, those sort of things. So we in terms of South Africa, feel that our men have caught up graciously and very quickly, but we did go through a period where women needed to be women and there has been an incredible emotional, psychological growth within the men in Johannesburg, Cape Town, our South African society which is wonderful. The adaption to the new way of women. We do need two salaries, in order to have a household. So yes we are living in interesting times, and are definitely in the forefront, we are almost pioneers in the new civilisation.

RT: What kind of relationship issues do you and your girlfriends discuss most often?

MG: I think we discuss, and there are many topics, but I would say it is the business of getting the balance right in our lives, so that we can contribute to healthier more functional relationships with our men. Really I would say that is what it is, how do we juggle this better, how do we time manage, how do we improve our time management at the office, how do we pull in projects and still be moms and supportive partners in our husband’s careers? There is a lot of pressure and in terms of my girlfriends that is what we spend a lot of time discussing, and I think we also spend a lot of time talking about how clear we are on the types of relationships we are looking for. We want healthy functional situations that are communicative with your one on one person.

RT: Do you have any suggestions about what women can do differently to be more successful in dating and relationships with men?

MG: I guess if I had tips I wouldn’t be single… But I think it is a process of when you are committed to go out on a date, and I think dating is important, it is a vital valuable thing to be doing, putting yourself out there. You are not going to find the man of your dreams by staying at home and eating popcorn and watching movies. You have got to put yourself in that social situation. And when you are, I think it is a case of trusting your gut instinct and using your intelligence, your integrity but asking certain pertinently placed questions, to find out more about that person in a quick changeable manner, as opposed to leaving it up to the guys. You know be the master of your own destiny.

RT: Do you have any suggestions on how guys should approach women?

MG: Yes, I think you know what, if you like somebody as a man just approach her in that true, honest manner and say hi my name is Charles and I think you are wonderful…. I would love to take you out for dinner and get to know you better, I like what I am seeing.

{mosimage}RT: What is your idea of an ideal date?

MG: Ideal date, oh my goodness there are so many options. I am one for picnics, I love picnics! I like to pack a basket, I prefer it than going to a restaurant. Pack a basket, go and sit by a river and chill with the birds and the trees, and nice bottle of champagne, I love dry champagne. Some nice picky foods: strawberries and some carrots, cold meats etc… Just to sit in nature and talk!

Michelle Garforth

RT: What do you think of speed dating? And would you try it?

MG: I would love to, and I think it is a good idea, it buys a little into my concept of love at first sight, and also I think trusting your gut instinct when you lay eyes on somebody.

RT: What do you think of online dating and would you try it?

MG: I haven’t tried it in that I have logged on to one of the websites, and kind of put myself out there with a profile, I haven’t. I know a lot of my girlfriends have, especially ages like 35 to say 48 are doing it, and successfully. It seems to be in a protected environment, in that the girls are smart and they are looking after themselves, I think it is a little bit dangerous. But women are doing it and they are doing it successfully and there are a lot of successful stories out of it. From my perspective, I mean I have friends from all over the world that I can talk to on certain levels but you know at the end of the day they live in a foreign country and I am here. It tends to be a little fantastical that a relationship will ensue, lets be honest you are really continents divided. So I take it day by day and as things are meant to happen in my life they do.

Take a moment and visit the amazing Michell Garforth website.

Ramon Thomas interviews Big Brother’s Mark Pilgrim

by Ramon Thomas in Celebrity/Interviews on 3030/050505/2005200520052005 • No Comments • ,

Mark Pilgrim 2004Mark Pilgrim is one of the most recognizable radio and television personalities in South Africa. His first love has always been radio, and for the past 10 years listeners have enjoyed his warm (and somewhat wry) sense of humour.RT: What is your current relationship status….and why?
MP: I am seeing someone new. I have just come out of a long term relationship and met someone else I was attracted to. P.S, contrary to tabloid gossip, I have never been married.

RT: What are the things you find attractive in a woman and why?
MP: A smile. A sense of confidence. Independence. A girl-next-door look. Must be slim.

RT: How do you as a man get what you want in a relationship?
MP: It’s either someone your partner has or doesn’t. Don’t try and change someone into the way you like them to be.

RT:What kind of things that women do, turn you off?
MP: If you mean what do woman do to turn me off… the answer is easy… get moody too often. My emotions run stable and I like calmness in my life.

RT:Do you believe in opposites attract and why?
I do, but generally believe in my life these are more physical relationships and don’t last too long. Not that anything is wrong with that. Why should every relationship be with the intention of lasting forever?

RT:Do you believe in love at first sight and why?
MP:No. I believe in lust at first sight. It takes a while to get to know what someone is REALLY like.

RT:What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve used on a woman and did it work?
MP:In all honesty I have never used a “pick-up line”. I have simply gone up to someone and say “Hi” (my profession helps a little!).

Mark Pilgrim 2003 velvet

RT:Have you ever messed up on the first date and did she want to see you again?
MP:I haven’t “messed up”, but have had dates where we realise we don’t actually get on. I usually cut them short. Rule of thumb: if you haven’t really been in a social setting with them before, don’t commit to a dinner. Go for “early evening drinks”. If you get on, it can progress to dinner. If she’s awful, bail out early!

RT:How do women react when you’re alone vs. when you’re in a group setting?
MP:Girls aren’t as shy or submissive anymore. Regardless of where I am, if they want to come up and say hi, they generally do! I like that.

RT:How has the feminist revolution affected life for men in the 21st century?
I believe in female emancipation. We are equals. I will always open a car door for a woman, but I like her to be independent and stand up for herself (just please keep shaving under the arms!).

RT:What kind of relationship issues do you and your guy friends discuss?
MP:Come on…guys don’t discuss “relationship issues”. We are too shallow…we just talk about ass.

RT:Do you have any suggestions you can share with our male readers about what a man can do be more attractive and confident to women like you?
MP: Believe in yourself. Confidence is very attractive. I have a mate who is not good looking at all, but he is so confident (yet, not cocky). He makes them laugh. Also, try and dress with some style, even if it is in jeans. First impressions DO count. RT jeans projects a sloppy image. Get a pair of Diesels. Yes, they are more expensive, but you’ll look a lot better in them. And DON’T wear any shirt with retail branding on (e.g “ I cycled the Pick n Pay Argus”, or “SPCA volunteer”).

RT:Do you have any suggestions you can share with our readers on how guys should approach a woman?
Don’t use a silly pick-up line. Just go over and introduce yourself. Approach with the confidence that should she bat you off, you wouldn’t be fazed because it’s her loss. Also, be warned: if a gorgeous girl approaches you at a bar…she probably just wants a free drink!

RT:Do you have any suggestions or preferences for the ideal date?
If you haven’t really socialised with her before, meet her for early evening drinks. That way you both have an escape option and don’t feel pressured.

RT:What do you think of Speed Dating and would you try it?
MP: Heard about it. I personally wouldn’t do it because most people want to be with me for the wrong reasons. For someone not in the public eye, sure. You just never know where or when you going to meet someone that will blow you away.

RT:Finally what do you think of Online Dating and would you try it?
Never tried it, but have a mate who swears by it. He goes on numerous dates with some really gorgeous girls… and has fun!

Mark Pilgrim 94.7 Highveld Stereo

More about Mark Pilgrim

After obtaining his B.com and working in market research for 10 years, he decided to follow his heart and joined 5FM back in 1995. After 8 years they parted ways and he now freelances for Johannesburg’s 94.7 Highveld Stereo, hosting the Hot 30 Chartshow on Saturdays.

He is as comfortable in front of the cameras as he is behind the microphone, with a string of TV shows to his credit, including: New Moves, Retail Therapy, Face 2 Face as well as South Africa’s first reality television series Big Brother. In another South African television first, his new controversial show called “Sex Etc” comes to MNET in May 2005!

Visit the Mark Pilgrim website for more information.

Ramon Thomas interviews WITS psychologist Dr Andrew Thatcher about online dating

by Ramon Thomas in Interviews on 1616/070707/2004200420042004 • No Comments • , , , , ,

Dr Andrew Thatcher from WITS UniversityThis interview was the very first interview when I started my research into Online Dating in South Africa…

RT:What kinds of people do Online Dating?

AT: There are two sets of people that are going to be using online dating:

  1. The people that are doing it purely out of fun, for something to do and
  2. The people that want to get something out of it.

RT: What is the typical profile of a person who tries Online Dating?

AT: In terms of age the profile most likely is that: When a younger person does not take dating that seriously; there are more options available; trying different things and there are a lot more opportunities to explore other relationships.

As you get older, metaphorically and physically the clock starts to tick. There is a lot more pressure, in a social sense pressure from parents to get married, to have children and to make them grandparents and a biological sense as you get older, chances of complications during childbirth increases as well as genetic conditions that might arise- this is in terms of breeding. When older one has less life left. We will not live forever. As you get older there is less time to spend with the love of your life, the sooner you meet the love of your life the longer you are able to spend with them. Social, biological and psychological pressures are not necessarily distinct from one another; they can be related to one another. As people get older they start to take dating more seriously, as a result they will take online dating more seriously. They will try several things at the same time, from anecdotal evidence friends that have tried online dating at the same time tried speed dating using social networks, religious activities, social activities, cruising (going on cruises) tried a number of different things.

RT: What kind of stigma do you think is attached to Online Dating?

AT: Online is not seen in the same light, we evolved over 300 000 years in social structures of social contact, tribal, brotherhood and racial affinities. Human beings have evolved; online dating is one of them. Contact such as body language, face-to-face interaction and eye contact is important, that is why we are struggling with the digital age. One part of the issue is communication bandwidth; when online, there is less communication bandwidth than face-to-face interaction. You have physical contact, verbal, face to face and tone contact and a broader span of immediate feedback. The online environment uses one communication medium of text photo graphics – sending 1-3 messages a month and it takes five minutes to type out a message.

RT: How does Love at first sight fit in?

AT: Research in general has shown love at first sight happens to very few people. Most lasting relationships share something in common. Hosting a profile means sharing a profile; you are looking for someone to connect with. When online you meet people through common ground, for example educational institutions, sharing a common faith means you share that with them. The thing about love at first sight is that it is purely physical, they may look drop dead gorgeous but when you actually speak to them they have a squeaky voice which is not what you are looking for.

RT: What are the benefits of Online Dating over traditional dating?

AT: Online dating allows you to meet people in a safe environment; you cannot catch STDs or HIV/AIDS through sending a message. Sending an email does not necessarily mean that you are jumping into bed with a person. From that perspective you can sound somebody out in a relatively sober environment. There is no risk of outright rejection. You can send 2-3 messages at the same time to different people and they will not know you are flirting with someone else, you tend to be more honest, and there is no point in lying because you will be matched up with the wrong person. Opposites do not really attract, you cannot be matched with an opposite. We are approaching a more mature side of online dating; we are taking it more seriously.

RT: Does online dating make you do things quicker and faster?

AT: Within two months you will have a date, but how many of them will lead to a more meaningful relationship? There is a danger in assuming that we do things quicker and faster. It all purely depends on your technical sophistication. Online dating allows us to do it outside of normal times, you can get online at three o’clock in the morning, and it widens your scope. If you want to carry on a meaningful relationship you must make time for it. Our environment it seems has accelerated. We have to ask ourselves is the lifestyle we are living conducive to have a meaningful relationship?

RT: What is the risk of people being harassed?

AT: The main danger is the situation of minors, if you are an adult there are certain rules you should follow but not everyone does. People can manipulate the situation particularly with vulnerable groups (people with low self esteem or unstable people). Online is safer because the majority of rapes are perpetrated by people we know. Whatever message you send is electronically recorded so if you divulge personal information it is on record for people to go back to. In an online environment, you are more likely to be sober not only not taking drugs and alcohol as you might if you were at a party but also psychologically as well.

RT: Do you think the experience of online dating allows you to get to know yourself better?

AT: There is a lot of different ways in which we get to know ourselves better, being honest with ourselves, having therapy and being spiritual is some ways. As we get older we have to look at ourselves, if you do not look at yourself retrospectively it will not help us know ourselves better. If you get positive feedback it might encourage you to be more open.

Dr Andrew Thatcher is Assistant Professor of Psychology at in the School of Human and Community Development at the University of the Witwatersrand, JohannesburgRamon Thomas recommends DatingBuzz or YesNoMayb

Recommendations

Recent Posts

Office +27 081 4399 555

Contact Info

Head Office Cell. 074 124 1696

Email: faye@ramonthomas.com

Hours: Monday-Thursday 08h00 - 18h00

Office

Get Direction on Map »

Pages

Twitter Updates

Tweets

Blogroll

Flickr

Archives

Categories

© 2011 Ramon Thomas . All Rights Reserved.

Designed by

Close
loading...