Before you can even begin to think about how to improve your dating, relationships and social life I ask you answer the following question as truthfully as you can:
On a scale from 1 to 10…how much do you like or love yourself?
If this number is less than 5 we have a serious problem. I mean, think about it, if you don’t like yourself, how can you expect someone else to like you? One of the biggest myths in relationships is that when I find a new girlfriend, boyfriend, a partner or soul mate they will complete me.
I suggest you consider the following concept: how much other people like or love you is directly proportional to how much you like or love yourself. And if you can imagine being a cup that overflows with love, than you have more to share with other people. If you are empty inside and you don’t enjoy your life, you do not have much to share. In fact you will be in ?wanting mode? because you do not understand how by giving you can receive pleasure. And ultimately your vitality in life is also directly proportional to your vision, which links back to your experience.
Have you ever wondered why most people are just talking about work? It’s simply because they do not make time for anything else. I promise you that nobody when they are growing up dreams of work, work and more work. You may dream of meeting interesting people, travelling the world, or achieving different kinds of personal successes. There is a common misconception that we are searching for meaning in our lives. The great philosopher, Joseph Campbell, the expert on myth, said, meaning is an intellectual construct, it’s in our heads. Instead what we are truly seeking is the feeling of being alive.
This is one of the fundamental reasons there has been such a dramatic rise in the drug abuse culture alongside the rise of television. Television must be the worst invention in the history of humankind when it comes to what makes people feel lonely. You see it entertains you and at the same time it programs you into complacency. And this is very, very real indeed. I highly recommend you read the articles on the Steve Pavlina’s blog about Giving Up TV.
Now I’ve met some people who swear that they are happy being single. They often insist that they are not looking and they are not desperate. And I’ve noticed a slight frustration in their voices or their body language. They are not convincing to me. You see there’s absolutely nothing wrong when it comes to looking for love. Imagine if you lost your job or quit your job…how long would it take for you to start looking for a new one? Almost immediately and you would speak to whomever it takes to help you find a job. You would be open to it. And so I encourage you to open to a increased social life. The reason is simple. Scientist have found that the people who most frequently refer us to new jobs or introduce us to potential dating partners or spouses, is NOT our best friends or family. As it turns out it’s weak social connections or as they are more commonly known, our acquaintances. So the theory goes, the larger the number of weak social connections you have, the more your increase your chances of social interaction that leads you to finding and meeting the kind of people you ideally want to meet. This goes hand-in-hand with increased confidence in social scenarios.
You see the single life is really not the ideal life style. It stinks of loneliness and desperation. I refuse to tell people I’m single. Instead I refer to myself as simple unmarried. And yes, I’m still looking for love.
This is the famous words spoken by Dr Frasier Crane played to perfection by Kelsey Grammer for the last 11 years. Besides the X-Files, Frasier was the only TV show over the last couple years I’ve always made an effort to watch. The X-Files also ended it’s run on SABC2 in 2004. I regularly record this show on my VCR. Tonight a 1-hour long show was broadcast. Frasier’s brother Niles (David Hyde Pierce) and his wife Daphne (Jane Leeves) had their first baby. Frasier’s dad, Martin got married to his fiancé Ronny (Wendy Malick) just after the birth of his 2nd grandson. Frasier and Niles were very competive from their younger days and become a great duo in the show. My best friend Rehelda once commented that I needed a “Niles” in my life. I’ve often felt a close affinity for the character of Frasier.
